I'll Be Good
by nominare
Summary: Part Two of the Anger and Release Universe Lena deals with the aftermath of Lillian's death.


**Summary:** Part Two of the Anger and Release Universe. Lena deals with the aftermath of Lillian's death.

 **Notes:** Hey all! Lots of people (amazingly!) asked for a follow up to Anger and Release, so viola! Who knew my PWP would actually, in fact, have a plot! It is helpful to read Anger and Release first. Please note it is rated E, and if smut is not your thing, I think you can read just the first part and skip the smut end. If smut IS your thing, I can assure you this will have a Supercorp ending but will warn you that it will take a little while to get there. This chapter picks up immediately after Anger and Release but is very Lena centric as she works through the aftermath of what's just happened.

* * *

Kara wakes to the sound of her phone vibrating across the floor. She sits up, her muscles tight from falling asleep in such an awkward position, and works to wipe the sleep out of her eyes. She looks around for her phone and stops mid reach as her eyes catch the sight of Lena in the corner pulling a new skirt up over her hips and closing the zipper at her waist. Still naked from the waist up, Kara can see the light marks on Lena's back from their encounter just hours before. Kara's mouth goes dry at the sudden memory of why she fell asleep on the floor of Lena Luthor's office in the first place.

Lena seems to feel a set of eyes upon her and turns to look at Kara over her shoulder with a slight smirk on her lips as she somewhat stiffly slips her bra over her breasts and shoulders. The sight of Kara, hair mussed and deer caught in the headlights look about her creates something warm in Lena's chest.

"It's been buzzing for about ten minutes now. Does it really only take one romp to dull your super powers?"

"I… uh… it's probably Alex," Kara mutters as she finally reaches her phone and hits the button to send it to voicemail. She doesn't look to see that she has 12 missed calls and nearly double the number of unread text messages.

Kara stands fully naked, whistling softly to herself with her fists bouncing off the sides of her thighs while she looks around for her supersuit. Feeling exposed now that the tension from earlier had dissipated, she uses her super speed to get dressed again.

Lena's jaw goes slack at being able to see the sheer power of Kara. She's seen Supergirl use her powers before. She's seen her use her body to stop flying chunks of concrete, to catch Lena mid air, to use her laser vision in the heat of battle. It feels different this time though, after having finally acknowledged that Supergirl and Kara are the same person. It feels as though the last barrier between Lena and Kara has dropped.

And that terrifies Lena.

Lena finishes dressing and then walks over to her desk, trying to look as though she was getting lost in the stack of reports there.

"I'm sure Alex needs to speak to you, with everything that," Lena clears her throat over the lump forming there and flips through the reports faster, "with everything that happened last night. You should go." The warmth once in Lena's chest has collapsed in on itself, a supernova, leaving a black hole in its wake. Lena shivers involuntarily at the vacuum of cold space that results.

Kara stopps mid stride on her way to Lena, confusion at the sudden change in Lena's demeanor evident in the crinkle of her brow and slight tilt of her head. "Don't you think we should talk, Lena? About…" Kara gestures vaguely between the two of them.

 _About us? About what happened here tonight? About what happened to Lillian?_

"There's nothing to talk about, Supergirl. Nothing has changed."

"Nothing has… nothing has _changed_?"

Kara can't believe that those words have just left Lena's mouth. That her best friend who she just slept with, her best friend who killed her own mother, her best friend who revealed that she knows Kara's greatest secret of all time - all in the previous 12 hours - could say that.

Kara advances on Lena, coming up to stand next to her profile. She has to stop herself from looking for a physical switch that Lena had used to change so quickly from warm and teasing to cold and distant.

"Kara, not Supergirl" she states firmly. "It's just you and I, Lena," Kara says more softly as she placed her hand on Lena's forearm and stroked it lightly with her thumb.

Lena's fingers stop working through the papers in her hands. She closes her eyes and bites the inside of her mouth, steeling herself. To dig deep and tap into Lena Luthor, survivor. To focus on the ice in her belly, blocking out the warmth she feels from Kara's hand on her arm.

She knows the next words out of her mouth can either move them forward, something she had hoped to do for a very long time now, or stall everything in that minute. Even more possibly, to destroy it so completely that it would not only be as if it never happened, but would remove any chance of it occurring in the future. She had been thinking about it for the last hour while she laid in Kara's arms, allowing herself to feel loved and cared for. Allowing herself to bask in borrowed time.

And now the quiet of the office save Kara's breath next to her feels suffocating.

She killed Lillian.

She protected Kara.

Those were two things that she'd never regret. Lena will always be a survivor. And it seems, once again she can be a savior. And to be those two things? The one thing you cannot be is vulnerable.

She pulls her arm out of Kara's grasp and manages the strength needed to look her in the eye. To lie to her.

"There is no 'you and I'. I have work to do, as I'm sure you do as well, Supergirl. It's not every day the leader of Cadmus is neutralized. Their organization will be left weak. Your time to strike is now. If L-Corp can be of assistance, you know how to reach me."

Kara's eyes pools with tears. She opens her mouth as if to say something in retort and seems to think better of it at the last moment. She sets her jaw and nods once, turning towards the balcony but stops at the door for just a moment to look back.

"Thank you, Ms. Luthor, for reminding me of who we are, and my mission. I'm sorry for distracting you from yours."

Lena counts to ten after she hears Kara take off before allowing herself to fall into her chair, chest heaving with sobs.

* * *

The sky had been grey all morning. The type of grey that dulls all of the colors outside. Where blankets of shadows cover buildings and people alike, melding everything together into indistinct shapes. The type of grey that seems to slow everything and everyone down. One where no one seems to be in a hurry to get to where they're going.

Lena could understand that feeling as she stands barefoot, dressed in a simple black wrap dress, just looking numbly out of the floor-to-ceiling windows. She reluctantly checks the time on her thin wristwatch before sighing deeply and walking into the bathroom to put her hair in a tight bun and apply her makeup in the mirror.

She has not slept in nearly a week. No more than twenty minutes or so at a time anyway. And it has started to show. The extra layer of concealer under her eyes it is not enough to hide the bruised skin there. And no matter how many times a day she applies drops to her eyes she cannot get rid of their redness that shows so easily as she appraises her reflection.

She reaches into a drawer and pulled out a prescription for Xanax. The bottle is heavy and rattles in her hands. She filled the prescription a week ago but has refused to take any thus far out of sheer stubbornness. Even when the anxiety weighs heavy on her chest, stopping her lungs from filling fully with air. Even when she sees Lillian's milky eyes every time she shuts hers. Even when she hears Lilian's last breath over and over in her ears.

Even when the ghosts and echoes haunt her daily.

A hardness overtakes Lena's features in the mirror as she hears the _tsk tsk tsk_ of Lillian's voice in her ears. " _Oh poor, dear Lena. Feeling sorry for yourself, are you?"_

Lena leans forward, dropping the bottle of pills on the mosaic tile floor, and braces her shaky hands on the cool marble of the bathroom counter. Her eyes slam shut as she hears yet again the voice that will not stop tormenting her.

"Shut up, mother," she grinds out between clenched teeth.

 _"Oh, testy today are we? Please."_ The exasperation is evident in Lillian's voice, and Lena can easily picture Lillian rolling her eyes at her adopted daughter. _"Pull yourself together, child. You finally had the guts to do what you've no doubt been dreaming of for ages. You did this, Lena. To me. To us. Now live with it. And everything that comes afterward. You made the decision. You don't get to hide from the consequences. Luthors never do."_

"I said shut up!" Lena yells as she works to regain control of her breathing, knuckles white from their tight grasp on the unyielding counter top.

 _"One, in and out. Two, in and out. Three, in and out.'_ Lena repeats her mantra out loud with deep breaths over and over to calm herself. It takes until she gets to ' _Thirty-two, in and out'_ before she had composed herself enough to replace the bottle and call down to her driver to let him know that she is ready to go.

* * *

Lena stands in front of the simple granite marker and sleek, black casket for Lillian Luthor. It is elegant but without grandeur. Lena found it hard to find a balance between finding something that showed the minimal amount of respect for a human life gone and nothing close to the shrine that Lillian no doubt foresaw for herself. She thought for a moment about having Jess take care of all of the funeral arrangements. And while she had no doubts at Jess' ability to be discrete, it would be a logistical nightmare if the press caught wind that Lillian Luthor was dead. So instead, she had her mother buried under her maiden name, paid for it in cash, and told the funeral home that no one outside of the workers to handle the casket would be necessary. There would be no fanfare. No reception at all.

Just a daughter and her mother.

 _"A murderer and a murderer, dear."_ Lillian corrects Lena's thoughts. _"Finally. You've got us on an even playing field."_

Lena closes her eyes and drops her head back to the heavens. She can smell the rain about to free itself from the fast moving clouds. The metallic smell of ozone from above that comes just before the Earth cleanses itself once more. And as Lena looks back at the tombstone, as her eyes trace over the block lettering, it doesn't take long for tears to fall, adding her own wetness to the earth.

Lena opens the over sized black umbrella over her head, more out of habit than a desire to be dry in the moment. She allows the sound of the heavy rain drops on the vinyl above her head and on the casket in front of her to press in on her senses. To wrap her in a humid cocoon.

Lena knows no one nearby will be able to hear her over the roar of thunder and rain. No one except Kara, who was standing none-to-discreetly under a tree on the hill, cape billowing in the wind. She stands stock still, the rain soaking her, as a silent protector. One that Lena did not ask for. One that Lena's grateful for; somewhere deep inside herself, although she does not allow herself to think that she deserves such care.

"I wish Lex were here," Lena starts softly, talking to Lillian; talking to Kara. "He couldn't be of course. The risk of his escape is too great. But I do... wish he were here. Because he loved you. Because people should get to be buried by the people who loved them. Even if that love is maniacal. I think? But here we are, mother. Stuck with each other again, hmm?" The small laugh that escapes from Lena is mirthless.

And then, the dam breaks.

"I had planned all of these clever, cutting things to say to you. But instead, let me be simple. You were a terrible mother". The edge to her voice is unmistakable. "You were twisted and sick. You were a xenophobe. You were a murderer, a terrorist, a conniving narcissist. You manipulated the masses. You tried to manipulate me. You tried to control me. And when you couldn't, you went after the people I love."

Lena chances a look over her shoulder at Kara. She can't see her face from that distance, but the typical superhero pose is now absent. Instead, Kara now stands with shoulders slumped, one hand against the tree for support. Her hair falls limply on her shoulders. She looks so much more like Kara Danvers than Supergirl at this moment. Lena aches to feel Kara's warmth next to her but she is cognizant that Kara is keeping her distance for her; knowing that Lena is not ready to let her back in.

Lena looks back at the grave. "And even after your death, you continue to ruin everything."

* * *

Lena stands there for another hour, heels sinking into the wet grass. She glances at her watch and decides that she has stayed long enough. Long enough to appear respectful. Long enough that whichever of Lex's lackeys were no doubt watching her would report back that she gave Lillian the reverence he mistakenly thinks that she deserves. Long enough to allow herself to wallow and mourn the fact that she and Lillian will never have the opportunity to create the relationship she so desperately wanted, in the deepest recesses of her heart, where she rarely lets her mind wander to.

She turns finally and heads down the small slope towards the waiting car. Her driver opens her door for her and before getting in the car she spares a last glance at Kara who is still standing there in the rain. They nod to each other solemnly and Kara lifts off the ground easily. Lena settles into the backseat of her car and looks out the window at the workers who set about to lowering Lillian's casket into the ground.

"Go ahead, Elliott," Lena says to let her driver know that she is ready to leave. She is looking forward to getting home and taking a warm bath. To sipping a very large glass (or two) of her favorite deep red wine. To settling into sheets and allowing herself one sleeping pill finally. Knowing that she needs to get some sleep if she has any intention of continuing to run her company in a productive manner.

She turns to look one last time at the grave. To hope that the image of the rain falling over the grassy hills of the cemetery will be the one to cement itself in her memory as the last of her mother. Instead of the lifeless body on the concrete floor with blood pooling around Lillian's head like the halo she would never earn.

She tries to take in every detail, eyes scanning the distance.

The scream gets lost in Lena's throat just as Elliott is about to pull away. She kicks her way across the backseat as her eyes met Lillian's, heels ripping the soft leather. Rain drenched Lillian standing just outside of Lena's car. Lillian standing, hand outstretched, crying in the rain, a muted "Lena, Lena, Lena," on her lips.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Notes:HUGE shout out to stennnn06 on tumblr for letting me throw ideas at her and giving amazing feedback and pushing me (in the best way possible!) to post this story. If you have not checked out her stories on AO3 (sten06) you should totally go there now. She is an amazingly talented writer.

Feedback always welcome!

Up next! Is Lena going crazy? Convos with Kara just may help... *if* she can manage to find a way to reach out despite every learned instinct telling her not to. Poor Lena. She deserves a hug.


End file.
